guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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