my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
