I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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