Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
