who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
