sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Randomize
