do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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