I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
