I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
