How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
