I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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