its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
