Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
