all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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