hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
