In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
