Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I need to calm my uterus...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
