just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
