Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
