Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
