I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
