Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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