On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
