we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Is it because I queefed?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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