Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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