I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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