literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
