Quick, to the slutcave!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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