my mouth tastes like poor choices
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Who died my cat blue again?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
