I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
