forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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