Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
