Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
