No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
