Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
