My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
