I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
