What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
