According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did I show you my penis last night?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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