she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
