Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
