Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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