A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
