i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
