Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
