Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
