My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
