Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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