I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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