and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
