Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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