I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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