I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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