the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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