i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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