I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
